Sample: Ian Fleming’s Lemon Caper Dip
• Performative cool.
• Dominant masculinity.
Duck! There are two beautiful girls, one with a scissors and one with a kitchen grater!
Jump! The one with the scissors is hiding behind a dill bush and snipping a few twigs!
Run! The other one is lurking under a lemon tree, shredding rind!
Fuck! … the one with the scissors and dill! Then …
Kill! … the one with the grater and lemon! (As per tradition, one of the two women must go.) Pocketing only the lemon zest, drive to the grocery store for plain, low-fat yogurt and …
Hide! … among the produce!
Ready! Steal some carrots, and chop them into short sticks!
Aim! Rinse and drain your capers! Sweet-talk the girl with the dill into hurling it into a pretty bowl! Add the yogurt, dill and capers!
Stir! You’ll both like it on the carrots!
Smoke! Why not? You’re in the mood!
Ranking James Bond capers for quality is a fool’s game, but this is the best dip ever. Violent scenes throughout. Some sexuality, language, and cigarettes.
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This is from NIETZSCHE’S ANGEL FOOD CAKE: And Other “Recipes” for the Intellectually Famished, a gift book available in hardcover, paperback, and Kindle.