Sample: James Joyce’s Spotted Dick
• Molly Bloom.
1 Yes O damn you and your Paris fads I am not pleased when you swell me up like an elephant and so no I will not come to you but to a currant pudding that is lumpy like Lord Byron well maybe well yes Byron had a tinny voice so yes I will come to you and your big red brute of a thing if you must yes please yes appease me yes bring me bread pudding with currants and I will eat it with you
2 Or if instead you bring me flour baking powder salt lemon zest suet sugar currants breadcrumbs egg and milk too I will take my glove off slowly for you and the whole blessed time that you beseech me to lift my orange petticoat and you keep your hand in your pants pocket I will butter a one and a half pint pudding basin and brush lightly against you
3 Bless us O Lord and the druidy druids while I sift flour baking powder lemon zest and salt into a mixing bowl and think of Ibsen O God history is a nightmare I am trying to forget it as well as that my slender shapely fingers are reddened with the blood of squished lice
4 Not to put too fine a point on it language is my true love ejaculate (v) ejaculate (n) ejaculation (n) ejaculative (adj) ejaculatory (adj) catawampus ululate piquant
5 Though the streets are paved with consumptive spit your hands and mine together will plunge and rummage the suet then drop it into the bowl and add sugar fruit and bread-crumbs and yes with coarse vigor we will stir the egg and milk into the same bowl
6 Redheaded women buck like goats I know I do Lord I don’t stomach the idea of a personal God so before my fine breasts turn to dugs pasty and worn I will turn this mixture into the buttered pudding basin and cover it with greased foil and on the back of my neck I will have your breath redolent of rotten corn juice
7 Everybody gets their own ration of luck and your mouth didn’t get much slow music please gents shut your eyes or look at the sea what will the sea care of your offenses or mine and if we steam the pudding for two and a half hours and then let it cool then invert it on a plate you can ejaculate (v) ejaculate (n) ejaculation (n) ejaculative (adj) ejaculatory (adj) euchre it has a Hellenic ring hasn’t it
8 Deus amo is quoniam is est teres quod dulcis make rapid crosses in the air and serve with hot custard and with nearly every literary device known to man while you call coarsely to your loved ones dick’s on
9 O if only Wilde were alive to taste this and see you kiss me roundly at the Moorish wall.
* * * *
This is from NIETZSCHE’S ANGEL FOOD CAKE: And Other “Recipes” for the Intellectually Famished, a gift book available in hardcover, paperback, and Kindle.