Sample: Rorschach’s Borscht
1. Put beets, carrots, beef chunks, onion, water, and dill on a chopping block and arrange attractively. What you’re creating here is a relaxed but controlled atmosphere.
2. Get out your cleaver and hack everything to bits. Now, did that feel capricious?
3. Put it all into a pot of boiling water, red wine vinegar, salt, and pepper. Look. You see those chunks of beet that look like penises? What might they be?
4. And see those carrots that look like penises? What might they be?
5. What might the beef that looks like penises be?
6. Did you know that people almost invariably think of beef as male rather than female, especially when it’s cut to look like that?
7. Okay, this is more telling than even I had imagined. Get your stirrer out of the soup. Now. Because I said so.
8. You’ll need sour cream. ‘Cause see that white thing there, that dilled and peppered vagina? What might that be?
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This is from NIETZSCHE’S ANGEL FOOD CAKE: And Other “Recipes” for the Intellectually Famished, a gift book available in hardcover, paperback, and Kindle.